When Should You Hook Up with a Guy?

Lady Shostakovich
11 min readMay 17, 2020


It’s a question we’ve asked since the beginning of time: When should you hook up with someone?

For years, pop culture (and the loudest person at any party) made hooking up seem easy, effortless, safe, and sometimes hot…but then there came the #MeToo movement. In the face of global health crisis, the #MeToo movement feels like it happened forever ago, but it’s important not to forget what happened: countless women (and men) began publically acknowledging their past sexual encounters were unpleasant, distressing and even traumatizing.

#MeToo was controversial, but the movement has revealed one thing for certain: our society’s current sexual playbook is broken, and it’s hurting us.

Love, history, romantic relationships and the physical, emotional and cultural implications of sex are complicated and divisive, but there actually is an easy answer to solving — not all — but many of issues surrounding our current sexual woes.

Before we have sex with someone, we need to establish two things with that person: trust and the ability to communicate.

Ensuring you can trust your sexual partner’s character and that you both are comfortable and capable of communicating your needs and desires doesn’t happen over night for the vast majority of people. This typically occurs over a period of time.


The oversimplified synopsis of sexual relations between men and women goes something like this:

Initially, there were a lot of strict rules about sex. Women were expected to “keep their legs shut” until marriage. Before the pill, the risk of getting pregnant was high. Supporting a child as a single mother was not only taboo, but difficult on a practical and financial level, as women had limited career options. There were many practical reasons why having flings and sex before marriage wasn’t a great idea.

Then, the pill approved by the FDA in 1960 and the sexual revolution ensured. By 1972, any adult woman could take the pill. Suddenly, women didn’t have to abstain from sex for fear of getting pregnant. Sex seemed essentially consequence free (minus the STD epidemic). With the new advancements, the old rules of chastity seemed restrictive, old-fashioned and useless.



Lady Shostakovich

The kids are alright, or at least they could be.